Day Eleven of the Chronicle:

Karma. Okay, so apparently there’s virtue in suffering. Hmm, I need to think about that.

I’ve been reading a lot about karma, especially as it relates to past lives. I’m even thinking about pursuing regression hypnosis. Anyway, all the readings seem to indicate that karma and free will are interconnected (for obvious reasons – if one doesn’t have free will how can one take the karmic hit for doing shitty things?). But these discussions will then introduce the notion that, given that one’s soul/consciousness is effectively immortal, the wheel of karma as it pertains to an individual life also includes the karmic tally of past-lives. In other words, you can right now be paying for the bad karma of your past-lives, and that this is often manifested by chronic illness, tragedy, and misfortune; and that the degree of your suffering is your immortal soul’s temporary (that would be you) means of buying off (or cancelling out) bad karma from past-lives, on behalf of your immortal soul.

Hold it. Something doesn’t seem quite right there. Let’s break it down.

  1. You, here, now, are mandated by the Higher Power(s) to have and maintain absolute Free Will. The argument for this: only through the freedom to choose can you reach enlightenment, and in addition, your choices are measured on the Wheel of Karma for your immortal soul. Furthermore, and this seems to be key issue: there can be no complete disclosure from all these higher powers or the Creator, because that would then affect your Free Will (except of course via mediums and gurus, because, uhm, that’s just fine).
  2. Free Will, as opposed to determinism, lays the responsibility for your every action or decision squarely upon you. And this is how karma is measured, for good and for ill. Karma, in other words, becomes our moral arbiter.
  3. Reincarnation involves a percentage of your immortal soul re-entering this world via a child still in the womb. Whatever that percentage recalls of its true self is quickly lost, in order to maintain your individual Free Will and thereby ‘play fair’ against the Wheel of Karma. This is why we don’t remember our previous lives here on Earth. See if this metaphor works for you: imagine your immortal soul as, say, your body. All of it. But the small percentage you then send down to be born again is your right index finger. Now, because of Free Will, you don’t have any control of your right index finger. It can do as it likes, within the limits of its physicality and constrained only by its senses and somewhat basic sense of itself (via nerves). But certain things have been agreed upon by you (the immortal soul) and a few friends and allies and guides. You have some bad karma from past-lives to work off. So it’s agreed that the index finger, well, it’s going to have to stick itself into a fire and get burned. Ouch. But that will, uh, burn off a lot of bad karma. Thus, in goes the finger into the fire. It gets burned. It gets burned so badly that half its nerves are dead and the other half are screaming in pain and will scream in pain from now on. Wow! Massive payment on the karma debt for the body (you, the immortal soul)! Nice job! But the index finger has a question: ‘Where is my Free Will?’
  4. Free Will is the law under which each reincarnated soul-fragment of the immortal soul must abide. But, apparently, your immortal soul is above that law. In fact, it’s behaving in a decidedly deterministic manner towards its reborn soul-fragment. ‘Hey mortal! Free Will is the thing! It’s the cosmic rule! We can’t do any kind of universal disclosure or mass enlightenment on Earth because that would fuck up Free Will! Like I said, it’s the LAW. But, uh, not for us. We play by different rules, because we map shit out for you, our brand new index finger. See this hammer?’
  5. It’s also argued that time is cyclical and therefore, on a higher plane, there is no ‘past’ and no ‘future,’ only the now. And this is how future lives to be born into are planned out. Okay, if that’s the case, then the notion of paying for karma from past-lives must also be extended to paying for karma for future-lives. And if that’s true (given there is only Now), then in fact there is no Free Will at all. Instead, the universe is at its highest levels of manifestation, utterly deterministic.
  6. What am I missing here? What am I not getting? That index finger is taking the hit for all kinds of shit it personally had nothing to do with. It receives the damage and the pain while the rest of the body looks down at its crushed/burnt/destroyed index finger and says: ‘You only deserved that because I deserved that.’
  7. What was all that talk about Free Will? I’m not seeing it.

 I’ve been reading a lot about the seven levels you go through after you die. The tunnel, the friends and loved ones, the debriefing and so on leading up to (and back to) returning to Earth in a new body.

You know those dreams when, no matter how old you are, suddenly you’re back in high school or college. You’ve forgotten to attend a class all year and now it’s exam time. Recall waking up and then thinking ‘Fuck me, just a dream. Thank you, God.’ Why? Because those years were traumatic (no matter how much fun we might have had). They are seared into the soul(fragment). Well, it turns out, after you die you end up back in school. Back in class-rooms. Studying, learning, planning out your rebirth into a new mortal body.

Reading these NDE descriptions, I inwardly groaned. If you ever needed an excuse to live forever here in your body and here on Earth, this is it.

I don’t want to go back to school.

But it seems none of us have any choice. Just like most of school, all those classes, those subjects: we had no choice. We were required by law to attend (home-schooling wasn’t an option when I was growing up), at least until we turned sixteen.

What do we as fifteen-year-olds (and younger) rebel against, rail against? We had no Free Will. The details don’t matter. At its core it was all about our limited freedom. For our own good, of course. Because we lacked maturity. All true.

But when I die I will be at least 57 years old. Mature enough, one would think. Only to discover, beyond the veil, that once again I am without choice. Once again my freedom is limited. Once again I’m in high school. Once more I am in a situation where Free Will has become provisional, contingent, meaning it’s not Free Will at all.

If ghosts exist and are souls reluctant to pass through into the higher plane, well, I don’t blame them. 

Having said all that, if anyone out there can respond by way of clarifying or correcting what I’ve written in this post, I’d be most grateful.